March
23
Features of a personal recount are...
- Written in the past tense
- Written in the first person
- Events are in sequence with time connectives such as; then , next, afterwards...
- Personal voice
- Explains who, what, where, when and why
- Retells a specific event
- New ideas have new paragraphs
- Figurative language such as aliteration, similes, metaphors
My bedroom re-do
“Do I have to I too dad” I whined loudly. My dad and my brother, Ben was demanding that I tidy my bedroom. I decided only bone thing, you have to help me I asked quickly and quietly.
Yes we will help you tidy dad said. “No way I’m helping Amy” Ben said looking very angry. Ben slouched on the couch and shouted I want a cookie” then dad said “you can have a cookie if you help Amy” ben just couldn’t say no.
We were as busy as bees, but ben was hungry as a horse. My bed got taken backwards agenst the wall so we could clean under it. We were all going through a small gap when disaster struck bens head got stuck ben squiggled and finally after a lot of time bens head got unstuck.
After that we tided and tided it took forever but we finally finished and my bedroom looked great. Now it was it was time to re-do my bedroom. My bed got swapped with my draws, my piano got swapped with my dolls house and Voilà my bedroom looked brand new.
Amy Charman-Moore
23 March 2012 at 13:32
I like the way you have used personal voice in your first sentence.
Have you checked for capital letters?